So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
