My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
