Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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