So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
