Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
