What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
