remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
