The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
