Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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