I'm jealous of your bromance
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
