Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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