He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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