Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize