Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
