ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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