i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Bring me that man meat
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
