We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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