atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
