the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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