im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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