I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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