And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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