He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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