the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
