I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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