took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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