So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
