Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
