doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
