trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
