Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
