walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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