well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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