wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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