3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to have your abortion
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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