I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
