he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
