Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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