Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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