I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
