Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
