I love black thongs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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