I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
