Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
