I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
