I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
