The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize