the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
