I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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