Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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