I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize