Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
