you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
