I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
