Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
