he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize