You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
