Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
