Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
