reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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