I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
