Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
