my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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