Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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