I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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