How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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