I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I could make wine with my vomit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
