I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
